And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
