Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
