dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
