I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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