you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
