you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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