She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
