you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
