i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
