Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
