; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
