whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
