just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
