fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
