I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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