It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
