You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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