this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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