I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
