the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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