paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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