Acid is not a monday night drug
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
