Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
