We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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