What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
