Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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