Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
