Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
