People with herpes should wear stickers.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?