Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.