Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!