i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower