doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My bed smells like the plague
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
