No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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