i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
