About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We had to coat check the pizza.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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