Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
