Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
