oh god the rape fog is back!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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