i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
