Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
