There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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