Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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