1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
