I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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