I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
