So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
