she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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