On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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