Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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