Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
