I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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