So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
