hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
