Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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