My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
