she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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