For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
