My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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